A Message From Beyond the Pit of Despair
Some tough love, with a lot of real love, too.
For someone whoβs never wanted children, I sure do think about my legacy a lot.
I think it started when I reached the peak of small business ownership burnout in 2025, because a lot of small business owners will endure indescribable sacrifice in hopes of their children inheriting a successful business that will support them in the future.
But as (it feels like) the rest of (white) American society is being forced to come to terms with current events & now being emotionally impacted by the pain being inflicted upon our collective society - it seems to be a topic I keep returning to as I spin my mental wheels, contemplating what I, a random dog mom in the PNW, can do that could leave a positive legacy for the next generations.
Because the more I educate myself on the (intentional, letβs not forget this) racist undertones that are woven within the fabric of every single we encounter in our lives - part of my grieving process for the future I once imagined is also accepting that the battle against evil, racism, patriarchy, aka the current regime pulling the strings worldwide - is not a new battle.
Itβs just new to those who have either sought out or have had the dots connected for them.
And itβs a battle that will continue on after Iβm gone, I think. Because unprogramming centuries of racism, and combatting decades of imperialist & capitalistic propaganda doesnβt happen overnight.
When I first began embodying my resistance - this was something I simply could not bear to accept. That things have been, are, and will continue to be SO WRONG, SO UNJUST, and my heart bleeding on the floor for those who have suffered, are suffering, and will suffer.
For those experiencing this stage of your resistance, I have felt your despair. A little secret is that I still feel it, too. It will never go away.
The way Iβm surviving this war is to use it as motivation. To DO SOMETHING.
Anything.
I will now give you some tough love that helped shift my mindset last year. Itβs not exactly comforting, but itβs a way to work through the pain.
Let the suffering of others be what mobilizes you - not paralyze you.
Now that the horrors (that have always happened to minorities) are being highlighted & in our faces daily - βstaying informedβ can easily become misconstrued as resistance.1
The thing is, subjecting your mental state to absorbing that information constantly is going to negatively affect your ability to fight & stay focused. And we need that from you. This is going to be a long game, not a sprint.
As Iβve mentioned before, reducing my scrolling time by like 99% has massively improved my mental health. Right now thatβs a frame of thought that others are shaming right now - and I get it. I used to think that way, too.
But as with anything, your intention matters.
If your reaction to the reality we are living in is to actively ignore the truths being publicized in order to selfishly soak up & coast along from whatever amount of privilege you have, then thatβs a bit cringe and yucky dude.
If your current habit is to soak up the evil occurring through your screen in order to βsee it to believe itβ per say, and to spread awareness, fact check claims, etc, thatβs another way to process.
But the thing is, absorbing all of the violence and anger for no reason other than to feel the pain & be negatively affected, out of the guilt that looking away makes you an ignorant person - thatβs not very helpful for me, for my loved ones, for the others on the receiving end of the suffering.
And I get it.
Iβve been βnot workingβ (in quotes because honey, Iβve been working my tail off. Just not in the capitalistic sense.)
for almost a year now, and now that Iβve begun to dismantle the addiction ingrained in me to produce in order to prove my worth -
Iβve experienced myself how unfair it is to ask anyone whoβs in shackles to the system of capitalism to be able to dive in head first into activism & become a shining example of all the ways to fight against the soulless puppeteers pulling the strings in our world.
At first, this made me skip & hop back into the pit of despair I have (itβs been there since I was a child, so itβs a familiar place, at leastβ¦)
because I was all βokay, welp itβs gonna take allllll these people to make change, and they canβt! Theyβre all workinβ like dogs, slaves to the system - I donβt have the right to expect them to show up in the way experts say we need to do to overthrow the government.β
And you know how easy it would be to just call that the end of it? Go on and live my little life & see how far I can get with my white privilege by proxy?2
Yeah, it would be easy for some, but NOT FOR MEβ¦β¦because Iβve got the blood of a fighter in me, I guess. Kind of annoying, actually.
But like life has forced me to practice before, acceptance is the last stage of grief, and the first stage of enlightenment & autonomy over your life.
And now that Iβve reached this stage of grief for the country I thought I knew, and as a result, the future I expected - Iβm accepting the things I cannot change.
With this comes an intentionally detached state of mind. And Iβve said, intention is everything.
My intention by purposefully avoiding violent & cortisol heightening media is to use the bandwidth Iβve gained back to resist.
Someone online shared a viewpoint, and I think itβs a more helpful & pointed one that could help direct those who are unsure of what to do.
They said that right now, the people who are able to do the most will be the ones with the most privilege. Not everyone can afford the financial or mental toll it takes to resist in the common ways I see repeated often.
But donβt let that discourage you, no matter what amount of privilege you have.
Let it empower you.
I know it feels good for the ego to make grand displays of resistance, to imagine leading a charge upon the white house (too soon?), to envision winning the powerball prize & giving the winnings to the houseless population in your townβ¦
But itβs perhaps a bit more realistic to thing smaller. To think creatively. To think emotionally. Less immediate cause & effect.
Because the effects of racism and the patriarchy (because all concentrated power leads back to these freakinβ roots) are such deep rooted, core programming and normalized ways of being that simply βmore moneyβ or placing decision making power with βotherβ men wonβt actually solve the problem(s) that result in these injustices.
We kinda have to reprogram all of humanityβ¦β¦at least, the ones who donβt believe in equality for all.
And thatβs a tallllllllll order, I know. Wait, donβt jump back in your pit of despair just yet!!
Because like we talked about, that doesnβt help.
Youβve got to do what you can do, after taking an honest & zoomed out look at yourself and your life and your bandwidth.
Shop small more often. Meet your neighbors. Strengthen existing connections with people in your life to where you have people you can ask for help if you REALLY needed it, and you know they would help you out. And you would do the same for them.
Find ways to live outside the matrix that our lives have dropped us into.
Those in power see us as consumers, nothing more - so an amazing form of resistance you might not even realize is doing absolutely ANYTHING that doesnβt involve buying something.
Going on a walk? Resistance.
Playing with your dog? Resistance.
Reading a book, painting, dancing, giggling with friends on your living room floor - resistance.
The first step of resistance I want you to reclaim is your own mind. Instead of spending your precious life on earth spent looking at life through a screen3
Begin seeking out real life experiences by yourself, in nature (my fav), or with like minded people to keep your spirits up and remember what it is we are fighting for. And it will take people like you and I, chipping away.
Putting βsafe placeβ hand made signs in front of your house? Resistance.
Offering sliding scale pricing for your services if youβre self employed? Resistance.
Giving art away to loved ones? Resistance.
Making it clear to everyone you know what you stand for & not being afraid to show it?
The biggest resistance of all.
But the first step of the war is taking care of yourself, so that you can gather whatever energy and power you have to fight, in honor of those who came before you, and those who will come after.
Because like I spoke about in my last piece, we are all one. Healing yourself will heal others around you. So itβs an act of discipline and resistance just to stay sane.
Donβt feel shame by looking away from the graphic and spirit crushing truths being shown, if you donβt need them to confirm what you already know.
Let the suffering inspire you to make small habits of resistance. And let those habits turn into a lifestyle. And let that lifestyle show others you meet that thereβs actually a different way of being.
As your bandwidth in each season of your life changes, adjust your ways and intensity of resistance accordingly.
Iβm learning it takes feeling, experiencing, embodying, witnessing - to change peopleβs minds, as opposed to facts & logic.
Let your life be the example.
Let your life be the spark.
Well, now back to the first thought I had for this piece. As Iβve said before, I never really know where my mind will go once I start writing.
But in regards to my legacy, and everything Iβve said in this piece, the heavily ironic thing that has come to mind for me is children.
So much of who you are is formed by what you experience as a child.
And so much of what your worldview becomes is formed by reading and the healthy or unhealthy forms of expression & way of being you are raised with.
I already told you Iβve never wanted children of my own, but the idea of showing young children a different path than the one society lays for them (worker, consumer, passive follower) gives me some hope that it would carry on some positive butterfly effects after I leave this timeline.
But Iβm focusing on one step at a time.
Now that some of my friends are having kids, Iβm mentally preparing myself to learn how to offer support to them & their kiddos, spreading positive programming & ways of thinking to help offset what theyβll be absorbing, LOL π
Being an observer of motherhood at the age women usually experience it has been an unexpected lesson for me in learning how to be a villager when our society all but enforces self sustaining lifestyles upon us, in order to facilitate more sales to more consumers.
Iβve gotten to see just a sliver of how much support it requires to be a good mother. So I will use my unique circumstance of being child free in order to use my energy towards resistance, womensβ & childrensβ empowerment, and trying to be the best example I can be to those in my world of what it looks like to live outside the matrix.
Being born an outsider has given me a unique perspective. Somehow being unlike anyone else has become a gift in knowing how to survive without acceptance from the crowd.
So, when it comes to my legacyβ¦I just hope to leave one thatβs as great as my late husbandβs, Alex Serrano.
One where everyoneβs life Iβve touched, and hopefully people Iβve never even known Iβve impacted - are also inspired to live with gratitude, stand up for my beliefs, and become the best person they can be.
What would you like your legacy to be?
Peace & Love,
E.S.
Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work. β¨ If this piece made you think, Iβd appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to help my mission of resistance through my art works β¨
I encourage you to check out my work on these platforms to see if maybe my other projects strike your fancy, too π
Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com
Of course, please take all I say with the understanding that there is nuance. Iβm not here to rile anyone up or cause defensiveness or shame. Iβd just like to share my thoughts in hopes of showing those overcome with emotion - a way out of the pit of despair. Because itβs an awful place to be. I know.
Since Iβm biracial with one white parent, was raised in a homogenous white culture, and have a white spouse - I have privileges that other BIPOC people donβt.
Again, nuance here - when done MINDFULLY, the internet is an amazing place to source inspiration and to connect with others with similar interests which can be a sense of comfort.
